People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
