The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
