Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
