Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
