We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
