I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Congratulations! We have a period
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
