sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
