My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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