Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
