yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
