I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
