Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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