would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
