he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
