...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
