"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
