If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
