how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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