You're my little dorito
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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