making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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