the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
