At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
