i barfeds in our rink
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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