alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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