shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i out mim tonsoeep
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