I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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