Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
