Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
