I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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