ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
