oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
