You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your penis caused this!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
