i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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