I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
