I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
