Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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