we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
