I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
