Small penises have feelings too.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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