i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
