my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
