Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
