do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
