I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
