I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
