I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
