Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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