I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
