the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
