Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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