A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
