Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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