He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
